Overwhelmed

I deactivated my facebook account a couple of days ago. I was still feeling sad and some part of me decided we needed SOME change in my life to make things better. I was also at  a couple of idiots I’d had to be exposed to on a couple of posts, and just wanted away from the stupid.

Whatever the reason, I let a couple of friends know how to contact me, and I left.

I was surprised at how quick the change was. By that same night I was already feeling better than I had for a few days. I hadn’t had to rush down to my locker on my break, and had just gone for a little walk. When I got home, I didn’t open facebook first thing, I sat down and read for a while. And I didn’t get the little itch to see if something new had come up on my feed every five minutes while I tried to read.

It was wonderful. I feel like I have so much more time to myself, and like I can really focus on where I am now than on what might be going on online. I went to bed last night at 9:30 after reading and listening to a podcast. It was the first time in a while I’d gone to bed early; it had started to become the norm for me to check something on facebook for just a second before going to sleep, and then looking at my watch and noticing two hours had passed.
I woke up at 5:30 this morning, and I felt so fucking refreshed. It’s not just that I’m getting more sleep, I also feel less exhausted mentally. It was hard to notice at the time, but now that I’m getting to experience life without the internet, I’m starting to realise how often it shattered my concentration. I keep feeling surprised when I realise I’ve been doing something uninterrupted for 10 minutes at a time, or when I’m walking and start to pull out my phone to check fb, then duly put it back and just enjoy looking around and being aware of my surroundings.

That’s a very 2016 problem, isn’t it? I’ve read a lot of articles about the problems with social media. It’s still different to actually experience it for yourself, though. A bit like seeing the ocean as opposed to being told about it. Actually being free of the clutches of social media has shown me that if anything, those articles are being too kind on facebook, and twitter, and whatever it is the kids are using these days. Those things aren’t just bad, they can be downright toxic to your mental health. Or mine, in any case.

I do miss facebook; I won’t lie. I’m part of a facebook group (which I might write about on here someday) that has made my life so, so much better, and has introduced me to some very good friends; nearly the only friends I have left in my life nowadays.

But again, my life feels so much better without facebook. I wish I could take the positives of life without facebook and life with it, and just do that.
I’ll give it a try in a week or two, after I enjoy this quiet and calm a little more. I’ll see if I can go back on facebook, but consciously force myself to only check it very periodically. We’ll see how that goes.

Hope your weeks are going well. Mine has gone from ‘absolute shit’ to ‘fantastic’ 😀