Sing the Changes

Like the sun playing
In the morning
Feel the quiet
Feel the thunder…

Today I remembered how I bought a mandolin out of nowhere one day because one, Paul McCartney has one and used it for Dance Tonight; and two, I was acting like a clingy child with someone close to me, and they’d told me to back off a bit.

I remember crying, walking on the street and seeing a music shop. I walked in, and left a few minutes later a few hundred thousand pesos poorer, with a mandolin slung over my shoulder.

That was weird.
I’ve always had odd ways of dealing with emotional issues.

Anyway. This has next to nothing to do with today’s topic, but I was trying to think of a clever title that had to do with changes, and a Paul McCartney song was the first thing that came to mind, which reminded me of my mandolin story.
Here’s the actual post: Continue reading

Insert Shoe into Mouth

I’ve had a pretty bad week. I’ve been very tired in general, and I got awfully sick around Tuesday. It’s meant I’ve looked like shit, as I am naturally exhausted, and I haven’t had the time or energy to put any makeup on to disguise it a bit.

The low point came on Saturday when I went to a shop and the lady at the entrance “afternoon sir” ‘d me. I asked her what she had said, and she repeated it and gave me a look that made it clear she was misgendering me on purpose.

I felt kinda like punching her, but knowing that would be idiotic and immature I walked away, thinking of all the terrible things I wanted to have said to her.

Then I got home and cried because… I don’t know. Because misgendering from strangers hurts me more than perhaps it should.

Anyway. Continue reading

Baby Crazy

I’m back!

I don’t really feel ready to commit at least three hours a week to a blog again, but I suppose that’s what makes improvement in anything so rare; you’ve gotta keep at it even when you’re bored, or feel tired of it, or feel like doing something else.
I want to become a better writer, so back at this we go.

Now, what have we missed? I went to a wedding over the weekend! Though I guess we already covered that. I also got the apartment I wanted, and have been living there for the last week. That’s been grand. Also exhausting. I think I was right to take the week off.

But nevermind that. My time off is over, and back we go to regular posting. That’s every Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday, just in case you’d forgotten 😉

It’s difficult to know what to write about. I like talking about myself and my feelings and opinions quite a lot, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, but it’s tricky finding a topic I can write about in an interesting way which can connect with other people. Last Sunday’s did that well, I think, and you should read that if you’re looking for something meaningful and relatable. As for today… I suppose I’ll do what I usually do; write about whatever’s on my mind, and hope someone finds it to be worthwhile reading. Continue reading

Oh, so pretty

I’ve had a weird history with my self-image.

Like many people, I grew up with fragile self-confidence, and an opinion of myself that was far from flattering. It got better with time, specially around late adolescence, but I didn’t stop struggling. Part of it was physical, and part of it was more linked to self-loathing.

Before I continue, you know how some people make EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION about how they’re into crossfit, or they’re vegans, or atheists? Sometimes I feel like that, because no matter the subject, there’s always some connection to me being transgender.

Which is to say, the self-image issues I had and still have were not completely caused by my struggles with gender identity, but they were certainly magnified and complicated by it. Continue reading