Failure

Today’s post will have me being quite honest about what I think of myself, and so will sound rather arrogant and entitled. Heck, it’ll probably be a bit arrogant and entitled. Sorry in advance, I suppose? Let me say ahead of time that I’m aware all the positive things about myself don’t make me better than anyone else, and that I don’t think I’m worth more than any other human (save like, Hitler cause you know, at least I’m not literally Hitler).

Anywho. Today at work I started crying and I felt furious thinking about my current situation. Sure, I moved out of my parents’ house a couple of years before people in my society are expected to, and I’m renting out part of a beautiful apartment in a nice neighbourhood. Some would say I have my life figured out a bit.
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Generosity

Something I like about myself is my generosity.

While I certainly like doing and buying stuff for myself, I get an oddly more satisfying feeling from doing and buying stuff for others. This translates a few different ways across different contexts. It means that, for example, I am happy to spend a decent chunk of money on ice cream and lunch and whatever to make my little brother enjoy a day of being treated. For my friends’ birthdays, I will buy the perfect gift, or will create something thoughtful tailored just for them. If someone I know is not doing well, I will invite them over for dinner and make them feel welcome.

Genuinely, one of the best memories of my life is the extended work I went through for a certain friend’s birthday. I did just about everything I could think of that they would enjoy, from singing them happy birthday with my uke, to making a collection of words of love from people that cared about them.
Like, I didn’t exactly “get” anything out of it, and I went through it all without any personal expectations, but I still felt very fulfilled and happy afterwards. Just knowing someone I cared about had more joy in their life because of me felt amazing. Giving and showing love was just… nice. Continue reading

Sing the Changes

Like the sun playing
In the morning
Feel the quiet
Feel the thunder…

Today I remembered how I bought a mandolin out of nowhere one day because one, Paul McCartney has one and used it for Dance Tonight; and two, I was acting like a clingy child with someone close to me, and they’d told me to back off a bit.

I remember crying, walking on the street and seeing a music shop. I walked in, and left a few minutes later a few hundred thousand pesos poorer, with a mandolin slung over my shoulder.

That was weird.
I’ve always had odd ways of dealing with emotional issues.

Anyway. This has next to nothing to do with today’s topic, but I was trying to think of a clever title that had to do with changes, and a Paul McCartney song was the first thing that came to mind, which reminded me of my mandolin story.
Here’s the actual post: Continue reading

Baby Crazy

I’m back!

I don’t really feel ready to commit at least three hours a week to a blog again, but I suppose that’s what makes improvement in anything so rare; you’ve gotta keep at it even when you’re bored, or feel tired of it, or feel like doing something else.
I want to become a better writer, so back at this we go.

Now, what have we missed? I went to a wedding over the weekend! Though I guess we already covered that. I also got the apartment I wanted, and have been living there for the last week. That’s been grand. Also exhausting. I think I was right to take the week off.

But nevermind that. My time off is over, and back we go to regular posting. That’s every Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday, just in case you’d forgotten 😉

It’s difficult to know what to write about. I like talking about myself and my feelings and opinions quite a lot, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, but it’s tricky finding a topic I can write about in an interesting way which can connect with other people. Last Sunday’s did that well, I think, and you should read that if you’re looking for something meaningful and relatable. As for today… I suppose I’ll do what I usually do; write about whatever’s on my mind, and hope someone finds it to be worthwhile reading. Continue reading