I’m a very intense person.
I mean that in both a positive and negative way. It means that when I dedicate myself to something, I work hard at it, and see it through. However, it also means I have trouble letting go when I should, specially with people. My adolescence was just one after another friend being scared away by my inability to respect their boundaries, and fixating weirdly on them.I’ve gotten a little better at that with time. It’s mostly down to me learning how to respect other people as people and not just characters in the story of my life. It’s not just that, though. Another part of it has been developing strategies to distract myself, or help me work through my feelings over something.
For example, I’ve been becoming close with a friend for the past few months. On some days I feel the urge to just message them any free moment I have but, you know, that behaviour isn’t conductive to healthy relationships. So instead I just focus on reading a really great book I found, or going out for a long bike ride without my phone, or writing a post for my blog (hey, I’m doing that right now!)
Doing something that makes me happy, especially when I’m doing it alone, helps reminds me that I’m perfectly fine by myself, and don’t need anything or anyone else to complete me. Then, once I feel the same whether I message them or not, I allow myself to send them something, or I don’t. No big deal.
Working things out has also been handy. Today I was feeling a little stressed from a lot of stupid stuff I’ve had to deal with lately, so I went out for a bike ride. After a couple of hours of being alone with my thoughts, I started to really think properly about why I was so stressed out. It took half an hour of proper thought to get to the root of it, but I eventually did realise what was bothering me so much. After that, it really did feel like this great big weight left my shoulders. I just felt so great and relaxed, and didn’t think about the source of stress for nearly the rest of the day.
Overall, learning different ways to not let issues or other people define me and dictate all my moods and actions has been one of the single best things about growing up and maturing a little. I wanted to write a brief post on that because… I don’t know. I suppose I feel proud of myself for having improved to the point where I’m at right now.