A short one from me today as I forgot I had to write a post today, and only remembered very very late at night 😦
I changed my hairstyle today a little this week. It still looks similar, but my stylist helped me cut it so it grows a certain way. I’m really excited for it, though it’ll take anywhere from 6 to 12 months to look right. She also added red-ish strands to my hair to help it look a little more brown. It looks really nice.
I posted a picture of it on to a forum where people can make illustrations of strangers. It’s really neat. You sometimes get hyper-realistic drawings, other times outlines, vague colourings, and sometimes very cool personal styles.
Anyway. This forum is on reddit, and reddit being reddit, posting a picture of yourself as a woman means getting creepy private messages.
One of them said I looked like a certain kind of woman and I just though “uh… all right creep, thanks for your unsolicited remark.” However, much as I might not care for an internet stranger’s opinion of what I look like, it did get me thinking about how people see me.
I’ve spoken plenty about the way people have treated me differently since I came out, but odd as it might sound, it never really sunk in they’re seeing me in a different way. Sure, they’re treating me another way because they consider me something/someone else, but in my mind I didn’t make the connection.
I don’t know why I’m finding this so odd. It’s an obvious fact. In fact, it took me so long to realise because it’s so dang obvious. Obviously people see me differently. Just like I have trouble recognising my face when I look in a mirror, people who knew me before don’t see the same person they saw pre-transition. Most of them don’t see a guy anymore, but even those who sadly still do, must see someone else looking back at them. Oddly enough, the people I meet for the very first time see me and likely form different assumptions than they would have if they’d met me pre-transition.
I’m well put together and usually have visible makeup, so it’s probably fair to assume some people automatically dismiss my intelligence. I guess some people might also find me attractive, though that’s even weirder to think about.
I’m tall, specially for a woman, so people likely make the assumption I’m foreign (my weird Spanish doesn’t help this,) and some people might likely guess I’m transgender. Who knows how that colours the way they see me.
I’m aware you might be finding it inconceivable I never realised any of this. I mean, I was aware of it, but it didn’t register properly until I saw that creepy message today.
People are looking at me and seeing a woman. A kinda pretty, tall woman. With glasses, and medium length hair. With a ring, and red-ish hair. Et cetera, et cetera.
Strangers are forming assumptions about me they wouldn’t have made before.
Is it just me? Am I being weird? Is it odd for me to find this so bizarre?
Guess I’ll just have to deal with it either way.