I had my first University alumni reunion yesterday, and I was very, very nervous. It was the first time everyone I met there would meet me as Lily rather than [redacted], and it would be the first time some of them even found out I’m trans.
It was also my first time stepping foot there since graduation. To be totally honest, I don’t know which made me feel the most gut-wretchingly anxious.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how much we change with time. My gender transition provides stark and dramatic contrast to compare present me with past versions of myself, but of course it’s not the only thing that’s changed.
Since I hurt my arm and got forced vacation I’ve been taking the time to meet with people I haven’t seen in a while, and to visit places I haven’t been to in a long time.
I’ve been noticing two things happen when you go back someplace you once knew well: one, everything feels so much smaller; and two, it’s hard to create new memories, as you end up being consumed by old ones.